It was a slow day and sun was beating on the soldiers by the side of the road

The music that calms me.

I've been feeling antsy over the last week or so. Things are changing that I can't quite comprehend. They are changing deep inside of me, and I think that the end result will be good, but right now the shifting has been making me feel uneasy.

I am always amazed by the power of music. I listened to the Cranberries almost non-stop through seventh grade, and for a long time afterwards I could not listen to them because I would feel incredibly sad. I listened to Nine Inch Nails during some of the hard times in high school and I still can't listen to Pretty Hate Machine unless I'm already depressed.

Last year I went through a really bad couple of weeks. Pretty much as bad as it's ever been for me. I could barely drag myself out of bed in the morning, and the only music I could listen to was Paul Simon's Graceland. Something about it, the upbeat melodies, the harmony, but complicated lyrics and relationships suited me.

I guess what I'm feeling right now is butterflies in my chest. I haven't ever had the feeling before, and I don't find it particularly pleasant. I've been listening to a lot of Neko Case, Sufjan Stevens, Paul Simon and Bob Dylan. Last night I reorganized parts of my apartment and cleaned to "To be alone with you" and "Abraham" on repeat. I drilled holes in the walls, vacuumed, scrubbed and repotted plants, and in the end it looked pretty much the same as when I started. The differences are subtle, but someone who has spent a lot of time in the space will be able to see them. I feel the same way about the changes in who I am right now.